The art of being vulnerable has to do with putting ourselves in a position where we can get hurt and trust that we won’t.
Let’s face it, no one enjoys risking getting rejected and no one wants to get harmed. This is why we wear our shining armor and shield and get by life in this way. But the truth is, when you are not vulnerable you just miss out on A LOT.
What I have learned (and sometimes forget!) is that the only possible way to establish a true and successful relationship with someone, to really get to connect with someone, is to reveal your “secrets”:
“Yes I’m not a natural blonde.”
“Yes I’m afraid I won’t be successful in my work.”
“Yes I will feel completely lost if my boyfriend dumps me. “
And let’s admit it, doesn’t it take an awful amount of effort to otherwise put the big show on? My marriage works perfectly! My job is great! I’m so happy! I’m beautiful, I’m smart, I’m loved and everything just works out for me. This sounds boring, untrue and most of all, it sounds like sooooo much work! Isn’t easier to just be yourself, with your qualities and your defects? Wouldn’t be so much more revealing to just show and share your fears with someone? We know we all have things… we all have things that don’t work. Those are the things that make us who we are. But at the same time we know that we don’t want to get hurt, so it’s safer not to expose too much.. or maybe just the good things! But what sort of conversation can you possibly have with someone who is not exposing their feelings and is on defense mode?
Stop selecting the nicest qualities, stop thinking of what you should be and begin being who you are. Get vulnerable. I know it’s hard to be the first one to say “I love you”, to show a side of you which you don’t like, to reveal an uncomfortable secret you want know one to now about yourself but which is too heavy to deal with on your own, to fully commit to an idea or feeling with the risk of failing.
But the truth is that people will connect with you only when you truly commit to vulnerability. And if you practice and practice, you will notice that by being completely vulnerable you will feel as if nothing can hurt you anymore and that your relationships will become stronger and authentic. Trust vulnerability and practice it everyday.